dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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