I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
