what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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