Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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