Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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