never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
