I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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