so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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