2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
