My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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