I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
