one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
