3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize