he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
