HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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