No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
