We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
