ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
well you can't waste a boner
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
