I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
