u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
