Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
