Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
