So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
