What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
