i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
