Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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