I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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