a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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