Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
