I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
