Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
