Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
