Will you blow on my dice?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
