it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
