Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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