Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i out mim tonsoeep
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
