I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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