did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
