Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
