Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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