You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
