oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
