So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
