I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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