The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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