My hand turned me down
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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