final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Semen is not good for contacts.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
