so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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