are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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