Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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