Soap is not a condiment
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
