According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
