so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize