Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
