Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
