Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
