i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
