I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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