It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
