you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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