i think my tv is drunk
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
