1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
