I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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